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The entry on Blow Jobs gets less than one page-less space than they devote to Camping (as in humor, not as in tents)-and even that brief bit describes the act that has driven my erotic desires since my memory began as merely “a prelude to the full symphony of intercourse.” Their tips on technique are cursory and unremarkable: “Use your hand as an extension to your mouth.” (I got more detailed advice from my sister’s Cosmopolitan.) Oral sex warrants just one more entry: Sixty-nining.
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Considering how frequently gay men’s sex lives are presented elsewhere in the book as distinct from straights’ (and how gay sexuality, in the authors’ estimation, threatens the very foundations of straight society), putting so much emphasis on fucking as the central act, the one all other acts ultimately lead to or else conspicuously avoid, seems awfully heteronormative.įor a cocksucker like me who’s never evinced any particular interest in fucking, White and Silverstein have little to say. And that allowed me to grow into the safer, saner, happier gay man I am today.Įven the vaguely titled First Time is not about the first time a man has any kind of sex with another man, but specifically the first time a man gets fucked-as if bottoming were the thing that defines a gay man’s “first time,” the only act that really counts. It took a while to get past the fear, the second-guessing, the sense of doom with every encounter but reading The Joy of Gay Sex helped me focus on the sheer bliss of it all, the ecstatic thrill of sex. For instance, from the introduction: “Sex is one of life’s chief pleasures.”Īs a 16-year old who’d followed my first, quite tame sexual experience that summer by dragging my then-boyfriend to a clinic for an HIV test-the two-week waiting period for results turning into an extended panic attack-I had never framed my desires in such unambiguously upbeat terms. This theme-daring in the seventies, downright revolutionary in the eighties-flows implicitly through the book’s frank and shame-free prose, and surfaces explicitly at several points in case readers might otherwise miss it. Despite such unavoidable omissions, the book nonetheless communicated a simple message that made an enormous impact on me as a horny but terrified teenager: that sex, including (or perhaps especially) gay sex, was about joy.